5 days

It's Friday night and I'm finishing the cleaning job on my room and finishing packing. Well, actually I'm just now packing and starting the cleaning job I've been meaning to do for the past 2 weeks. Watching the bugs fly around my head while I post this I dread saying goodbye tomorrow. Tears prepare themselves and a frog in my throat prevents me from swallowing. I don't know what I'm going to do in Atlanta as people say goodbye to family and friends. This is enough of a sacrifice for me. I don't want to have to do this again. But knowing this will happen at the end of the summer as well. I hate saying goodbyes. I dread the fact that someone may never be seen again. That a name and face may leave my memory. A picture could be found later but the name and thoughts of who it is would escape me. Working at this youth ranch has been difficult enough. Seeing boys come and go as Daddy sees fit. Having only the ability to think for them as they go. Again I feel like I have no control at all over what is happening. But that is how Big Brother wants it to be. He has told me several times that when I am weak and can't do anything, He will do it for me. He won't just help, He'll do it. To the family and friends back home please know that I cry and think for you every day. That the sacrifices in this journey is hard but well worth it. The praises Daddy receives is so much greater than all of my sacrifices.
I can't believe that I'm having such a hard time with this thing. I have traveled overseas twice in the past. This is another journey in life. But not really. There is purpose here. There is a greater command behind this trip. This isn't just another vacation like it was in the past. I have labor to do and things to learn. I am still thinking about what I am going to be doing after college is over. Will I continue with schooling or continue traveling? That is something you can ask Daddy to answer for me.
Well, this room won't get clean by itself. If you know of a room that does... please let me know. Much love. Mizpah.